...and probably for a reasonBy Kent Shocknek

Valentine’s (or as Mr. Hefner might punctuate it, Valentines’) Day is next week.  Let’s review this year’s most appropriate gifts, starting with the Zombie Cupid ($14.95). I’m told no two are exactly alike. Imagine.

 Zombie Cupid

The rose really sells it.  Next, the company that sells it, really sells it good with the Human Heart Jello Mold. (Just $6.95! Buy two!) I love the online sales pitch:  “…perfect for lovebirds, med school students, and aspiring cannibals.”

And for those who  are merely hungry,  what about  a Gummy Bear?  Just one. Just one, really really big Gummy Bear…. Amazon will sell it to you for $34.99.  5 pounds, if you were curious. (“But Mom! I only ate 1 Gummy Bear!”) 

Shop early and shop often: you don’t want to be left empty-handed on a day of such romance. And nothing says “I love you,” like a zombie, a jiggling human heart, or an edible bear.  And no, I don’t get a cut of sales. If I did, I’d charge more for the Jello Mold.