Get the chance to jam with Steven Tyler at this indulgent event in Beverly Hills.

Admit it. There’s always been a part of you that has wanted to become a rock god. Even though you are some combination of happy/successful/competent/employed with what you do, there is some part dwelling within you that wonders what it would be like to walk onto a stage, fire off a couple of licks from a Les Paul – that’s right, none of that Fender stuff for you – and be instantly inundated with a deluge of undergarments. Or, at the very least, have a bunch of people clap enthusiastically because they actually recognize the riff that you’re churning out. Don’t deny it; we know it’s there.

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It’s the reason that you can occasionally whip out the “devil horns,” and it’s also the reason that your ears perk up when Guitar Center announces the MEGA-REDICULOUS, NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN SALES EVENT that they have every weekend. It’s probably also the reason that you can’t help but make fun of the band Train (not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course – they deserve your eternal mocking if only for the lyric “she checks out Mozart as she does Tae-Bo”). What we’re trying to say here is, much like the Twisted Sister tune, you wanna rock.

Well, dust off your leather jacket and make a vain attempt to squeeze into those red spandex pants that you bought especially for the Cinderella concert you went to back in ’87. The Rock N Roll Fantasy Camp is coming to town May 2 – 6, ready and willing to let you live out your very own Rock & Roll Fantasy (just do us all a favor and come up with something better than three jesters a la Foreigner, okay? Okay!)

Just how rockin’ is this camp, you may ask? For starters, it takes place at The Playboy Mansion. To paraphrase Spinal Tap, it just doesn’t get more rockin’ than that. The killer venue is just the tip of the iceberg here, friends. During the course of four days, you will get the chance to write and record an original song in a state-of-the-art studio while working alongside Eddie Kramer, the legendary producer and engineer who has worked with The Beatles, Zeppelin, the Stones, Bowie, and oh so many more (if that doesn’t impress you, maybe the fact that he once built a custom recording studio for Hendrix will). Plus, you’ll get the chance to trade riffs and listen to stories from musicians like Kip Winger from Winger, John Moyer from Disturbed, Vinny Appice from Dio, and Alan White from Yes.

All of this awesomeness builds up to the main event; a chance to hang out at a Playboy Mansion party and be part of a special All-Star concert, where you will get the chance to share the stage with the one and only Aerosmith frontman himself, Steven Tyler (and please refer to him as the lead singer of Aerosmith and not as the judge from “American Idol” or we’ll beat you about the head and shoulders with a vinyl copy of “Toys in the Attic.”)

If this shindig sounds super cool to you, but the only music you ever learned to play was the opening riff to “Smoke on the Water,” don’t freak out. Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp will still welcome you warmly. They will find a way for you to get involved that you will find satisfying and not overtly demanding. This may limit you to being a backup singer or smacking a tambourine on stage, but what do you care? Steven Tyler will be on the same stage with you.

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And if even the thought of striking a tambourine in public makes you a bit queasy, no worries; you can at the very least indulge in a super-cool Rock and Roll party at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, May 5. A VIP ticket here will give you the chance to take in the concert, indulge in food and drinks, rub elbows with a whole lot of A-list celebrities and athletes, and the chance to tour the Playboy Mansion’s grounds. That latter part is worth the price of admission alone, isn’t it? Of course it is.

Now go on and practice making your “devil horns.”

Wednesday, May 2 at 7:00 PM – Sunday, May 6 at 2:00 PM (Playboy Mansion Party with Steven Tyler: Saturday, May 5 at 7:00 PM)

$1,299 — $9,999 for Fantasy Camp, $999 for VIP Ticket to Playboy Mansion Party
(Additional party packages range from $2,500 — $50,000)

You’re too old

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Rich Manning enjoys quoting lyrics from songs he considers both awesome and terrible. See more of his work at OC Executive.