PASADENA (CBS) — Taking separate vacations and having platonic boyfriends aren’t exactly what you think of when you hear “’til death do us part.” But a new book reveals these may be some of the keys to a happy marriage.

Best selling author Iris Krasnow interviewed 200 women for “The Secret Lives of Wives.” She says she found the secret to wedded bliss may require rewriting the rules.

Krasnow says wives have to get creative – even controversial, if they want their marriages to last.

“This book is meant to release every woman from believing there is a gold standard marriage,” says Krasnow.

Frank Estrada and Rayla Nolen of Altadena have been happily married for 26 years. They have what some would call an unconventional arrangement.

Rayla has boyfriends at work.

“They come to your office, and want to know what you did over the weekend,” says Rayla. “And when I get a new hair do…tell me how nice I look.”

Rayla admits she flirts with her male companions, and Frank says he’s alright with it.

Krasnow calls these extramarital relationships “boyfriends with boundaries.”

She says another key to happiness is having lots of girlfriends, and not being afraid to leave hubby behind.

“Wives with the highest marital satisfaction have a great circle of girlfriends with whom to drink, travel, and vent,” Krasnow says.

The author reveals most of the women she spoke to say they thought about divorce more than once in the past year.

“If you are facing emptiness or a depression or hole in your heart, because you are dependent on children or a spouse to make you happy,” says Krasnow, “you can recreate yourself at 50 or 70.”

Finally, Krasnow says don’t ever underestimate the power of sex.

“You’ve got to be able to go to bed with this person who can make your problems go away for at least 11 minutes,” Krasnow says, “if you’re lucky.”

CBS’ “The Talk” has chosen ‘The Secret Lives of Wives’ as the first selection in the show’s new “Book Buzz” series. An excerpt from the book can be read online at

“The Talk” airs weekdays at 1 p.m. on CBS2.

Comments (8)
  1. wgaf says:

    I can never get a divorce from my spouse because that would entail me cutting off my right hand. My right hand is so jealous of the other “lady” in my life. And when I say “lady” I mean my left hand. I love strange.

    1. wgaf says:

      What took you so long to show up to tell everyone you’re a pu$Sy dumbf**k poser. We see you still let your daddy’s balls up your ass do all your talking, puS$y.

    2. wgaf says:

      “shutup” / “wgaf”
      Bravo! There you are! Your deception of using a new screen name does not deceive me because you write with same lame mediocre style. I miss you though. Let me give you a hug with your pants down and with me behind you so I can whisper in your ear to “shutuo.”

    3. wgaf says:

      HAHAHA! I am now truly the real wgaf! Thank you for your concession in your feebIe attempt at verbal banter by posting with an obvious new screen name. I shall wallow in my victory and just “shutup”…for now! HAHAHA!

    4. shutup says:

      I also have no original insults to use so I recycle them like screen names. And I also created the internet.

  2. Luv My Hubby says:

    What has this world done to marriage?! The next thing you know g@ys and lesb1ans are going to want to marry their partners. Fathers will want to marry their daughters… or even their sons. Brothers and sisters will want to marry. I guess if it makes YOU happy and you get what YOU need then all’s fair in the war on marriage.

  3. duh says:

    How one-sided this is… nothing is mentioned about husbands being able to have ‘girlfriends with boundaries’. If we flirt in the workplace, we’re likely to get slapped with a harassment charge as WELL as a divorce. There have been enough studies to show that women are as equally capable of the marital affair, so this isn’t a situation where women should have some luxury because they can handle it better or different from men. I’m ok with those that choose open or alternative marriages to make it work, but I’m definitely NOT ok with this concept of ‘secret lives of wives’. Secrets hurt, period, and it goes both ways. If you cannot be honest in your marriage, wrong marriage. Try again.

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