TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: Team Owner’s Wife Vs. Team Owner’s Mistress

Team Owner's Wife
Team Owner's Mistress
OAKLAND, CA - APRIL 27: Shelly Sterling, the wife of Donald Sterling owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, watches the Clippers against the Golden State Warriors in Game Four of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2014 NBA Playoffs at ORACLE Arena on April 27, 2014 in Oakland, California. The players wore theirs warm up this way in protest of owner Donald Sterling's racially insensitive remarks.
SAN ANTONIO, TX - MAY 19: (2nd L) Team owner Donald Sterling of the Los Angeles Clippers and V. Stiviano watch the San Antonio Spurs play against the Memphis Grizzlies during Game One of the Western Conference Finals of the 2013 NBA Playoffs at AT&T Center on May 19, 2013 in San Antonio, Texas.
(Credit: Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)
(Credit: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
Loyalty
Winner She married you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part. We'll ignore the poorer part, because really, who ever heard of a poor team owner? The rest of it, though, means she's in it for the long haul.
She knows you're rich, and married. And while she may say she loves you for your heart or your blue eyes or your witty sense of humor, she loves you for your money. Besides, 25-year-old women don't fall for 70-year-old men unless they have serious daddy issues.
Privacy
Winner Your life is her life; her life is your life. She has a vested interest in preserving the status quo and whatever privacy that entails. Unless you breach her trust, by, say, I don't know, taking a mistress.
She could secretly record your racist lunatic rant and release it for all the world to hear. The league will then ban you from all future games and force you to sell the team.
Fame
Winner Outside of fans of your team and possibly fans of the sport, no one really knows who you are. As far as society is concerned, you're just another rich guy. That's a good way to live, and your wife knows it too. So things will stay as they are unless you do something stupid…
…like take a mistress who records your phone calls and releases them on the web. Then your life will become a national scandal (and personal nightmare) that just won't die. Fame/Infamy are two sides of the same coin.
Money
Be prepared to give away half of everything you own. Since you're weighing the pros and cons of taking a mistress and all, this seems like a very real possibility.
Winner You'll be forced to sell your team. But given how much revenue and profit pro sports franchises generate these days, the team will be worth piles and piles of cash. So oddly enough, taking a mistress will probably work out well for your bank account.

The Winner Is

OAKLAND, CA - APRIL 27: Shelly Sterling, the wife of Donald Sterling owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, watches the Clippers against the Golden State Warriors in Game Four of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2014 NBA Playoffs at ORACLE Arena on April 27, 2014 in Oakland, California. The players wore theirs warm up this way in protest of owner Donald Sterling's racially insensitive remarks.
Winner Team Owner's Wife
3 out of 4

Yeah, we saw that coming. Nevertheless, it's a valuable lesson for all you budding professional sports franchise owners out there.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. OAKLAND, CA - SEPTEMBER 18:  Matt Ryan #2 of the Atlanta Falcons signals to his team during their NFL game against the Oakland Raiders at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on September 18, 2016 in Oakland, California.  (Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images) EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - SEPTEMBER 18:  Quarterback  Drew Brees #9 of the New Orleans Saints hands off to Mark Ingram #22 during the first quarter against the New York Giants at MetLife Stadium on September 18, 2016 in East Rutherford, New Jersey.  (Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images)
    Week 3 Tale Of The Tape: Atlanta Falcons At New Orleans Saints

    The NFC South rivals meet in the Big Easy with Brees and company looking for their first win.

  2. CHICAGO, IL - SEPTEMBER 19: Danny Trevathan #59 and Akiem Hicks #96 of the Chicago Bears
stop Ryan Mathews #24 of the Philadelphia Eagles
at Soldier Field on September 19, 2016 in Chicago, Illinois. The Eagels defeated the Bears 29-14. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images) LANDOVER, MD - SEPTEMBER 18: Quarterback Dak Prescott #4 of the Dallas Cowboys celebrates with teammates center Travis Frederick #72 and offensive guard La\'el Collins #71 after scoring a third quarter touchdown against the Washington Redskins at FedExField on September 18, 2016 in Landover, Maryland. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)
    Week 3 Tale Of The Tape: Chicago Bears At Dallas Cowboys

    The Cowboys rookies have looked good the first two weeks, now they get the winless and injury plagued Bears at home.

  3. PITTSBURGH, PA - SEPTEMBER 18: Xavier Grimble #85 of the Pittsburgh Steelers celebrates his touchdown with Ben Roethlisberger #7 in the first quarter during the game against the Cincinnati Bengals at Heinz Field on September 18, 2016 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images) CHICAGO, IL - SEPTEMBER 19:  Quarterback Carson Wentz #11 of the Philadelphia Eagles hands off the football to Ryan Mathews #24 in the first half against the Chicago Bears at Soldier Field on September 19, 2016 in Chicago, Illinois.  (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
    Week 3 Tale Of The Tape: Pittsburgh Steelers At Philadelphia Eagles

    The two Pennsylvania teams have gotten off to 2-0 starts. Who will win the battle for interstate bragging rights?

See All Tales of the Tape

More From CBS Los Angeles

KNX 1070 Newsradio
Play.It
Follow Us On Twitter

Listen Live