Simi Valley's Parent Program A Tool In Dealing With Strong-Willed Children

LOS ANGELES (CBSLA.com) — Randee Dorausch's Simi Valley home has had nearly every door and wall pocked with holes during fits of anger from her 14-year-old son: "Hole punching through the walls, kicking, screaming."

The single mother says she couldn't handle his outbursts on her own, so she called police nearly every week.

"I felt like I didn't have anybody to turn to. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know how to handle this situation," she said.

Simi Valley police officers recommended she participate in their Parent Project. The 10-week course is designed for parents of all types of strong-willed children.

Sgt. Charles Shorts says the class is geared toward a range of issues: "The light oppositional behavior to the more acute, where they have seen them weigh into the criminal justice system."

The Simi Valley Police Department has offered the class since 2008, and it's given hundreds of people tips on how to better parent their children.

"They have a bag full of different resources and methods to address different issues," Shorts said.

Dorausch says her son's anger spun out of control after she and Eric's father got divorced.

"There were some spots when I was upset, I was angry, and I tried to hold it in, but I just couldn't anymore and I acted out," Eric Dorausch said.

His mother has been attending the Parent Project for the past three weeks, learning alongside parents who are either there voluntarily or as part of a court-mandated order because their children have broken the law.

The course provides a guidebook and speakers.

"The origin of the problem is to get people — families, kids — talking about what's really going on for them," drug counselor Jesse Finkbeiner said.

Organizers say communication is key to overcoming these obstacles at home.

"A good parent is honest. A good parent is engaged. A good parent understands or remembers some of the difficulties they faced as an adolescent," Shorts said.

He says parents should express their love and support for their children daily. And when communicating, do so calmly.

When restricting an activity, be clear: set dates and times when those restrictions will end. He says parents should also be consistent with the restrictions and always follow through.

Dorausch says she's trying some of the techniques, such as limiting certain activities as punishment: "I am taking it away and I am giving it back when it is deserved, but if the same mistake happens again the next day, he's not getting it back."

But after three weeks of the course, she's still having problems at home: "Anything that he doesn't want like or doesn't want to hear will set him off."

Organizers say changes won't happen overnight.

"Sometimes when you're trying to set some ground rules or some structure that hasn't existed before, you may have some kids that become oppositional," Shorts said.

Dorausch says she's trying to be patient, and Eric promises he'll help, too.

Her son said: "I understand, she said, 'You're not going to get this today.' I'm like, 'Why?' 'Because you didn't do this.' I'm like, 'Oh, OK. That makes sense.' "

Organizers say it's hard work, but at the end of the course, they hope parent-child relationships improve.

Shorts said: "If they put the effort into it they're going to walk away with some good skills."

Eric Dorausch conceded: "I can be calm, too, and not act out and be so mean."

"I just need to know that there is going to be a light at the end of the tunnel; there's got to be a way," his mother said.

Simi Valley's Parent Project is a free program with the next course scheduled for April. More information can be reached by calling (805) 583-6219. The LAPD also offers classes for parents but doesn't have a similar program to Simi Valley's.