Sports fans come in all shapes and sizes, not to mention levels of interest. Some of us need to watch sports constantly, even if it’s cricket on tape delay from Jakarta. Others can barely be bothered to watch the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event of the year. The rest of us fall somewhere along the spectrum between insanity and indifference.
Here are the nine types of sports fans:
1. Super fan on crack
The super fan on cracks follows every team in every sport. If someone wins a game, he knows. If someone hits a three-pointer, he knows. Every conversation they have in life — be it about weather, politics, religion, or the crazy guy on the subway platform — some how comes back around to sports.
2. Super fan
The super fan follows his teams religiously, whatever the city and whatever the sport. He can name their starting line ups and key subs. He watches every game, unless he’s been hospitalized or something. And even then, he’ll ask the nurse for the remote if he’s conscious.
3. Super violent fan
He loves his team so much, and gets so into the game, that he’s a danger to himself and others. Don’t let him watch the game at your house if you value your stuff. He may throw his beer through the TV when things don’t go his team’s way.
4. Lover of the game
The lover of the game only follows a certain sport, but knows everything about that sport. He probably writes a blog so steeped in arcane details that players and coaches don’t even know what he’s talking about half the time.
5. City fan
Just call him Homer, because he only follows the teams in his home town, from little league all the way up to the pros. And yes, it’s a little creepy to see him rooting for kids he’s not related to.
6. Social fan
To this guy, sporting events are social occasions, like brunch or Cinco de Mayo. They’re just an excuse to dress up and drink up. One might argue that he’s really just a fan alcohol — and funny outfits — more than anything else. But he still rarely misses a game.
7. Culture fan
If sports news transcends culture, He cares. He thinks Donald Sterling is a jerk, but didn’t know Los Angeles had a second basketball team. He enjoys the Super Bowl as much for the commercials as the actual game. Don’t engage him in any actual sports discussion, because you’ll quickly realize there isn’t much there.
8. Rock fan
He lives under a rock.
9. Sports hater
He despises the world for exposing him to sports. When someone mentions football, he seethe with anger. He simply doesn’t understand why anyone would watch grown men run into each other when they could be watching Masterpiece Theatre on PBS?
Norm Elrod likes sports and other sanctioned forms of craziness.