Al Dukes, executive producer and occasional
humorist singer/songwriter for the Boomer & Carton Morning Show on WFAN in
New York, offers some Memorial Day weekend tips.
Tip 1: How to deal with a veggie
“There’s nothing more annoying at a barbecue than a vegetarian. You have to buy special veggie burgers for them, and they look at you like you’re doing something wrong enjoying a burger and hot dog.
“If you want to get back at them, make sure you cook their veggie burger on the grill in the same exact spot as the regular burgers. Some of the juices will no doubt touch their veggie burger and soak right in. So in a way they’re eating meat, but only you’ll know.”
Tip 2: Don’t bring anything
“If you’re headed out to a barbecue this weekend, you’re probably asking yourself, ‘What should I bring?’ The answer is, you shouldn’t bring anything. You were invited to the barbecue, so they should provide everything.
“You mean to tell me they bought the burgers, the hot dogs, potato salad, soda and everything else, but you’re supposed to pick up the chips? I mean, chips are like a buck a bag. Like they really couldn’t afford to buy the chips if they’re throwing the BBQ.
“If someone asked you to dinner, you wouldn’t expect them to have you pay for the appetizers or the dessert, would you?”
Tip 3: Sunglasses, the BBQ’s clutch performer
“If you’re going to a barbecue this weekend, be sure to bring along a pair of sunglasses. Not to protect your eyes from the sun, but to be able to check out hot chicks in bikinis by the pool without them knowing you’re staring at them.
“Now, if it’s a family barbecue, forget this whole idea. Checking out your own relatives in bikinis is disgusting.
Happy Memorial Day everybody. Three-day weekend, holla!
Think you have Tip No. 4? Let ‘er rip in the comments below…