Pets That Will Not Win Our "Pets2Love Cutest Pet Contest"

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So far, I've claimed to have a boa constrictor, a tarantula, and an electric eel as pets. None of which is true. But hey!, if I did, I'm pretty sure none of them would tug at the heart strings. I feel similarly about a Praying Mantis or a badger.  But  a thousand-buck gift card is pretty good swag. I don't blame you for cheating looking for  competitive advantages.  I have absolutely no influence in this contest, and I have no reason to believe that any of the following ideas would help in the slightest. That said, here's a list, compiled by some guy with too much time.

A python probably wouldn't win.  A Viper, maybe. A python, probably not. No, a viper wouldn't win, either.

Guard dogs behind chain-link fences rarely  smile pretty for the camera. Unless they're eating raw meat.

Cats. I don't know where to start with cats. You're on your own with cats.

Please don't humiliate your pet, by sending a picture of it  in a demeaning costume. And here, I'm not talking about the contest; I'm just sayin' in general....

I'd love to say I'm not above bribes, but the good news here is, that I'm not a judge (Ditto, Sibila, Josh, Whitney).  That's good news, because I learned a long time ago, as a judge in a beauty contest of any species, you make one friend, and 50 enemies. Not a good ratio.

Good luck with all this. Now, go get 'em, Tiger.