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Tale of the tape

NFL

  1. San Francisco 49ers v San Diego Chargers Washington Redskins v Oakland Raiders
    Tale Of The Tape: San Diego Chargers At Oakland Raiders

    Philip Rivers is in the midst of a sensational year, but few are noticing because of Peyton Manning’s record-setting start.

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    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

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    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

  4. New York Giants v Dallas Cowboys San Francisco 49ers v San Diego Chargers
    Tale Of The Tape: Dallas Cowboys At San Diego Chargers

    Perhaps Tony Romo is tired of being a disappointment. Or perhaps he is setting himself up for a bigger disappointment later on in the year.

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    Tale Of The Tape: San Francisco 49ers At St. Louis Rams

    Colin Kaepernick is going to want to assert himself every week, and he is going to be at his best against a divisional opponent.

  6. Philadelphia Eagles v Washington Redskins Chicago Bears v Oakland Raiders
    Tale Of The Tape: Washington Redskins At Oakland Raiders

    Robert Griffin III is off to a difficult start and he does not appear to be at his best, despite what the Redskins say.