TALE OF THE TAPE

Andre Johnson Vs. Santa Claus – How Does He Match Up To St. Nick?

Fantasy wunderkind and all-around decent guy Andre Johnson just did something pretty nifty. He purchased over $17,000 worth of toys for children in Child Protective Services. It’s an awfully kind gesture, especially during the holiday season. But how does Johnson stack up against the ultimate gift giver, Santa Claus? Let’s go to the tape:

Andre Johnson
Santa Claus
(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
(credit: Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
(credit: Kena Betancur/Getty Images)
40 Time?
4.41 Seconds
Winner I mean...one estimate has St. Nick traveling at roughly 5.6 million miles per hour (in order to deliver all those presents) so...whatever 40 yards of that is. A blink, essentially.
Weight?
Winner A svelte 227 pounds.
Probably more than that.
Receiving TDs this year?
Winner 5 this year (really? That feels low). 61 overall (that too).
None?
Estimated value of Presents
$17,352
Winner Millions and millions
Is he real?
Winner Yep!
Who’s asking? Where are your parents?
Reaction to seeing mommy kissing him?
Winner ...I’M GONNA BE RICH!
Set it to a song!
Reaction when you hear him “Up on a rooftop, click-click-click”ing?
Stranger! I’m calling the police right now.
Winner Weeeeeeee! Presents!

The Winner Is

(credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
Winner Andre Johnson
4 out of 7

So there you have it. After a hard-fought battle of joyful giving, Andre Johnson takes the round 3-2! And rightly so. What a terrific fella.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. FOXBORO, MA - OCTOBER 16: Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots reacts after throwing a touchdown pass during the fourth quarter against the New York Jets at Gillette Stadium on October 16, 2014 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. Airdancer
    Tom Brady Vs. An Airdancer, Who Is Floppier?

    Tom Brady seemed to flop in a recent Pats-Jets game. How does he stand up to one of those inflatable things you see outside of car dealers?

  2. DENVER, CO - OCTOBER 19: Quarterback Peyton Manning #18 of the Denver Broncos drops back to throw on what would be his 509th career touchdown pass in the second quarter of a game against the San Francisco 49ers at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on October 19, 2014 in Denver, Colorado. HOLLYWOOD, CA - MARCH 02: Actor Matthew McConaughey poses in the press room during the Oscars at Loews Hollywood Hotel on March 2, 2014 in Hollywood, California.
    Peyton Manning’s TD Record Or Matthew McConaughey’s Oscar More Expected?

    Peyton Manning broke the career TD record. Everyone knew it was coming. But was it as expected as Matthew McConaughey’s Oscar?

  3. (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images) (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Houston Texans At Pittsburgh Steelers

    The Texans have been pushing hard in recent weeks and nearly got the best of the Cowboys and the Colts, but they couldn’t get past either one.

See All Tales of the Tape
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,438 other followers