Crazy California Laws

Man walks into a bar. He says, "Hi, do you serve fish here?' and the bartender says 'Sure, sit down. We'll serve anyone.'" As funny as that joke isn't (sorry!), the truth is, it's against the law to walk into a bar in Portola carrying a fish. (credit: AP)
Drop The Fish In Portola Man walks into a bar. He says, "Hi, do you serve fish here?' and the bartender says 'Sure, sit down. We'll serve anyone.'" As funny as that joke isn't (sorry!), the truth is, it's against the law to walk into a bar in Portola carrying a fish. (credit: AP)
Ha! And they say people in LA can be shallow and obessed with looks! In San Francisco, it is actually illegal for ugly people to walk down the street. (credit: FreedomIsNotFree.com)
Ugly People Stay Home Ha! And they say people in LA can be shallow and obessed with looks! In San Francisco, it is actually illegal for ugly people to walk down the street. (credit: FreedomIsNotFree.com)
You drivers better slow down in Arcadia! According to dumblaws.com, peacocks there always have the right of way. (credit: CBS)
Peacock's Have The Right Of Way You drivers better slow down in Arcadia! According to dumblaws.com, peacocks there always have the right of way. (credit: CBS)
In San Francisco, hookers are not required to carry bills on their person larger than $50 in order to make change.
Prostitutes Don't Make Change In San Francisco, hookers are not required to carry bills on their person larger than $50 in order to make change.
Scooby Doo! According to dumblaws.com, if you leave dog waste in your yard for more than seven days in Cerritos, you can be cited. Of course, we want to know how anyone knows what dog doo looks like on the eighth day? And, more interestingly, whose job is it to decide? (credit: K'shel Bell)
Pick Up That Dog Poo! Scooby Doo! According to dumblaws.com, if you leave dog waste in your yard for more than seven days in Cerritos, you can be cited. Of course, we want to know how anyone knows what dog doo looks like on the eighth day? And, more interestingly, whose job is it to decide? (credit: K'shel Bell)
Horny? Don't be a rhino in California! According to a website that specializes in strange facts about sex, all animals are banned in the Golden State from mating within 1500 feet of a place of worship, school or tavern. Presumably they CAN drink at the tavern but they can't get busy near the tavern. Ah, and speaking of rhinos, if you want to own one in Norco, you have to pony up $100 for the privilege. (credit: L.A. Zoo)
Rhino's Can't Get Horny Horny? Don't be a rhino in California! According to a website that specializes in strange facts about sex, all animals are banned in the Golden State from mating within 1500 feet of a place of worship, school or tavern. Presumably they CAN drink at the tavern but they can't get busy near the tavern. Ah, and speaking of rhinos, if you want to own one in Norco, you have to pony up $100 for the privilege. (credit: L.A. Zoo)
(credit: CBS)
Dogs Can't Get Frisky (credit: CBS)
In Cathedral City, it's illegal to sleep in a parked car. (credit: CBS)
Don't ZZZzzz In The Car In Cathedral City, it's illegal to sleep in a parked car. (credit: CBS)
Stay belted! Hard to believe, but it's allegedly legal for a man to beat his wife in Los Angeles if he uses a belt less than 2 inches wide, and if she gives her consent. (credit: AP)
Don't Belt Your Wife Stay belted! Hard to believe, but it's allegedly legal for a man to beat his wife in Los Angeles if he uses a belt less than 2 inches wide, and if she gives her consent. (credit: AP)
They don't like city slickers in Blythe! If you don't own at least two cows, you can do time for wearing cowboy boots. (credit: AP)
Let Cowboys Be Cowboys They don't like city slickers in Blythe! If you don't own at least two cows, you can do time for wearing cowboy boots. (credit: AP)
Apparently they're trying to keep the lid on pollution in Dana Point. You can use your restroom, but close the window or else! (credit: AP)
Don't Flip Your Lid Apparently they're trying to keep the lid on pollution in Dana Point. You can use your restroom, but close the window or else! (credit: AP)
Note to terrorists! Don't go to Chino: detonating a nuclear device of any kind, within the city limits, will get you a $500 fine. (credit: AP)
No Nukes In Chino Note to terrorists! Don't go to Chino: detonating a nuclear device of any kind, within the city limits, will get you a $500 fine. (credit: AP)
Who wouldn't want to be kissed by mega hunk Tom Selleck? Well, if you live in Eureka watch those lips! Men with moustaches are simply not allowed to plant a wet one on a woman in Eureka. (credit: CBS)
Don't Kiss A Man With A Moustache Who wouldn't want to be kissed by mega hunk Tom Selleck? Well, if you live in Eureka watch those lips! Men with moustaches are simply not allowed to plant a wet one on a woman in Eureka. (credit: CBS)
Lizards don't have a lot of rights, but in Fresno they enjoy major protection. Lizards cannot be annoyed while in city parks. So if you're in the park minding your own business, and some lizard sits down with his boom box and starts blasting his music, the cops will take his side. (credit: U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service)
Leave The Lizzards Alone Lizards don't have a lot of rights, but in Fresno they enjoy major protection. Lizards cannot be annoyed while in city parks. So if you're in the park minding your own business, and some lizard sits down with his boom box and starts blasting his music, the cops will take his side. (credit: U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service)
Dogs in wheelchairs are not as uncommon as you think. Many dogs are old, arthritic, and have hip problems. But you don't want to bring an infirmed dog to Glendale. According to dumblaws.com, dogs are not allowed on elevators. So Bowser, get to stepping! (credit: AP)
Keep The Pooch Off The Elevator Dogs in wheelchairs are not as uncommon as you think. Many dogs are old, arthritic, and have hip problems. But you don't want to bring an infirmed dog to Glendale. According to dumblaws.com, dogs are not allowed on elevators. So Bowser, get to stepping! (credit: AP)
You'll never be able to see the Glendale 500 at this rate. Indianapolis has nothing to worry about. It is illegal for someone in Glendale to jump into a moving or passing car. And according to dumblaws.com, it is also illegal to go in reverse. (credit: CBS)
Slow It Down In Glendale You'll never be able to see the Glendale 500 at this rate. Indianapolis has nothing to worry about. It is illegal for someone in Glendale to jump into a moving or passing car. And according to dumblaws.com, it is also illegal to go in reverse. (credit: CBS)
And you wonder why J-Lo doesn't do concerts in Hermosa Beach. It is illegal to show your buttocks on a playground in that city. (credit: CBS)
Hide Those Buttocks! And you wonder why J-Lo doesn't do concerts in Hermosa Beach. It is illegal to show your buttocks on a playground in that city. (credit: CBS)
It had to be ewe! Apparently it's okay if a group of hookers, crazies, drug addicts or gang members congregate on Hollywood Boulevard. BUT just let 2000 sheep try to meet and the fuzz goes a little crazy. FYI, it is illegal to drive 2000 sheep down the Boulevard at once. If you DO have 2000+ sheep, try Olympic. (credit: CBS)
Don't Feel Sheepish It had to be ewe! Apparently it's okay if a group of hookers, crazies, drug addicts or gang members congregate on Hollywood Boulevard. BUT just let 2000 sheep try to meet and the fuzz goes a little crazy. FYI, it is illegal to drive 2000 sheep down the Boulevard at once. If you DO have 2000+ sheep, try Olympic. (credit: CBS)
In Lompoc, it's cock-a-doodle-oh-no-you-dont! Roosters are outlawed. (credit: CBS)
Watch Your Roosters In Lompoc, it's cock-a-doodle-oh-no-you-dont! Roosters are outlawed. (credit: CBS)
Talk about a golf handicap. In Long Beach, according to dumblaws.com, you are not allowed to curse or use foul language while playing miniature golf. Apparently, it's okay to curse like a sailor while playing badminton or tennis. But curse while playing some #$%* miniature golf and find your #$%**#$ in hot water. (credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
No Cursing On The Course Talk about a golf handicap. In Long Beach, according to dumblaws.com, you are not allowed to curse or use foul language while playing miniature golf. Apparently, it's okay to curse like a sailor while playing badminton or tennis. But curse while playing some #$%* miniature golf and find your #$%**#$ in hot water. (credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
Like it or not, it's the law. You cannot (underscore cannot) lick a toad anywhere in Los Angeles. And this is even if the toad is consenting and over 18. (credit: Frogwatch (North) via Getty Images)
Do Not Lick A Toad Like it or not, it's the law. You cannot (underscore cannot) lick a toad anywhere in Los Angeles. And this is even if the toad is consenting and over 18. (credit: Frogwatch (North) via Getty Images)
Finally, a law we can get behind. Men in Los Angeles are not allowed to wear Zoot suits. Okay, to be completely honest, we couldn't find a picture of a Zoot suit. Which is a good thing. Next: Someone please ban leisure suits. And men in Espadrilles...another crime. (credit: Iman Jones)
Clothes Make The Man Finally, a law we can get behind. Men in Los Angeles are not allowed to wear Zoot suits. Okay, to be completely honest, we couldn't find a picture of a Zoot suit. Which is a good thing. Next: Someone please ban leisure suits. And men in Espadrilles...another crime. (credit: Iman Jones)
Prunedale? Sounds like the people who named the town might be a mite sensitive to people making fun of wrinkly skin. You can't have two bathtubs in the same house in Prunedale. But don't they know, if you stand in the shower long enough you can still prune? (credit: AP)
Watch The Baths In Prunedale Prunedale? Sounds like the people who named the town might be a mite sensitive to people making fun of wrinkly skin. You can't have two bathtubs in the same house in Prunedale. But don't they know, if you stand in the shower long enough you can still prune? (credit: AP)
Here is one that still has us scratching our heads. According to dumblaws.com, you cannot carry your lunch down the street in Riverside between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m (credit: CBS)
No Time For Lunch Here is one that still has us scratching our heads. According to dumblaws.com, you cannot carry your lunch down the street in Riverside between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m (credit: CBS)
Go green sure! But at the appropriate time people! Christmas lights are pretty to look at but in San Diego, there is a limit. Like February 2nd. The city can fine you for keeping your lights up after Feb. 2. Now, if someone would only come up with a fine for people who have their lights up the day after Halloween... (credit: CBS)
Know When To Turn Out The Lights Go green sure! But at the appropriate time people! Christmas lights are pretty to look at but in San Diego, there is a limit. Like February 2nd. The city can fine you for keeping your lights up after Feb. 2. Now, if someone would only come up with a fine for people who have their lights up the day after Halloween... (credit: CBS)
We can think of a bunch of things we could do with Mark "Former Member of the Funkybunch" Wahlberg's tighty-whities. But if we were in San Francisco washing our car wouldn't be wise, or legal. Yup, you can't use used undies to wipe your car down in the Bay Area. (credit: AP)
Don't Wash Your Car With Underwear We can think of a bunch of things we could do with Mark "Former Member of the Funkybunch" Wahlberg's tighty-whities. But if we were in San Francisco washing our car wouldn't be wise, or legal. Yup, you can't use used undies to wipe your car down in the Bay Area. (credit: AP)
In San Francisco it is illegal to engage in oral sex -- that's giving or receiving. No wonder Rice-a-Roni is the San Franciso treat.
Keep Your Mouth Shut In San Francisco it is illegal to engage in oral sex -- that's giving or receiving. No wonder Rice-a-Roni is the San Franciso treat.
According to dumblaws.com, it is still illegal in San Franciso to pile horse manure on a street corner. Well, it is illegal if its MORE than six feet of manure. If you have 5.5 feet, you're good to go. (credit: AP)
Down In The Dumps According to dumblaws.com, it is still illegal in San Franciso to pile horse manure on a street corner. Well, it is illegal if its MORE than six feet of manure. If you have 5.5 feet, you're good to go. (credit: AP)
There are all kinds of things you can't do at Santa Monica beach. But who knew playing drums, or any percussion instrument, is illegal. Trumpets, okay. Clarinets, fine. But leave those castanets in your casa! (credit: CBS)
Bang The Drum Very Slowly There are all kinds of things you can't do at Santa Monica beach. But who knew playing drums, or any percussion instrument, is illegal. Trumpets, okay. Clarinets, fine. But leave those castanets in your casa! (credit: CBS)
Go fly a kite! Well, not if you live in Walnut. To be fair, you CAN fly a kite there, just not more than 10 feet off the ground. Attention Walnut: If it's lower than 10 feet, it's not exactly flying. (credit: CBS 2, WBBM)
Go Fly A Kite Go fly a kite! Well, not if you live in Walnut. To be fair, you CAN fly a kite there, just not more than 10 feet off the ground. Attention Walnut: If it's lower than 10 feet, it's not exactly flying. (credit: CBS 2, WBBM)
We sure advocate clean living, but did you know in Los Angeles it is illegal to bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time!?! This law was probably enacted to keep fighting over rubber duckies to a minimum. (credit: CBS)
No Twin Bathing We sure advocate clean living, but did you know in Los Angeles it is illegal to bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time!?! This law was probably enacted to keep fighting over rubber duckies to a minimum. (credit: CBS)
Martha Stewart would agree: this is a good thing. In California, it is illegal for a vehicle to go more than 60 mph without a driver. Take note 405 users!
Driving On The 405 Martha Stewart would agree: this is a good thing. In California, it is illegal for a vehicle to go more than 60 mph without a driver. Take note 405 users!
Hey, what did Moby Dick ever do to you? It's against the law to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle -- unless it's a whale. (credit: CBS)
There's A Whale! Shoot! Hey, what did Moby Dick ever do to you? It's against the law to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle -- unless it's a whale. (credit: CBS)
The women of Carmel might be well-heeled, but it is against the law for them to be high heeled. High heels are banned within the city limits. Shoo, Jimmy Choo! (credit: Insolia.com)
Time Wounds All Heels The women of Carmel might be well-heeled, but it is against the law for them to be high heeled. High heels are banned within the city limits. Shoo, Jimmy Choo! (credit: Insolia.com)
According to crazylaws.com, it is illegal to spit in Burlingame. Except on baseball diamonds, that is. Try as we might, we couldn't find any California cities where it is illegal for men to scratch themselves in public...including the baseball diamond. Go Dodgers! (credit: Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images)
Watch Those Spit Takes According to crazylaws.com, it is illegal to spit in Burlingame. Except on baseball diamonds, that is. Try as we might, we couldn't find any California cities where it is illegal for men to scratch themselves in public...including the baseball diamond. Go Dodgers! (credit: Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images)
Good thing Jon Bon Jovi hailed from Jersey and not California. Since 1838, according to crazylaws.com, it is illegal for a man in California to serenade a woman without a permit. (credit: Sergio Dionisio/Getty Images)
Watch Those Serenades Good thing Jon Bon Jovi hailed from Jersey and not California. Since 1838, according to crazylaws.com, it is illegal for a man in California to serenade a woman without a permit. (credit: Sergio Dionisio/Getty Images)
(credit: AP)
Beer (credit: AP)
All kinds of things are legal in the bathtub...but eating oranges is not one of them. Apples? Go right ahead. Kumquats? Knock your socks off. But if you eat an orange in the tub, the police could come a calling. And it's unclear what lawmakers have against oranges, but it is also illegal to eat an orange in your hotel room. Welcome to the Hotel California...leave the oranges outside. (credit: AP)
The Bathtub Is No Place For Oranges All kinds of things are legal in the bathtub...but eating oranges is not one of them. Apples? Go right ahead. Kumquats? Knock your socks off. But if you eat an orange in the tub, the police could come a calling. And it's unclear what lawmakers have against oranges, but it is also illegal to eat an orange in your hotel room. Welcome to the Hotel California...leave the oranges outside. (credit: AP)
Skateboarding can be loads of fun. But in Palo Alto, it is illegal to skateboard on walls or any other vertical surfaces. If you can skateboard on vertical surfaces, you probably shouldn't be in Palo Alto anyway. You should be on David Letterman's "Stupid Human Tricks" segment. (credit: CBS)
Don't Skateboard On Walls Skateboarding can be loads of fun. But in Palo Alto, it is illegal to skateboard on walls or any other vertical surfaces. If you can skateboard on vertical surfaces, you probably shouldn't be in Palo Alto anyway. You should be on David Letterman's "Stupid Human Tricks" segment. (credit: CBS)
Don't try to impress your waitress in El Monte with an expensive glass of wine. In fact, don't give her any kind of drink at all. It's illegal for waitresses to consume drinks purchased by their patrons. It's not clear if this law applies to waiters. (credit: CBS)
Don't Wine To The Waitress Don't try to impress your waitress in El Monte with an expensive glass of wine. In fact, don't give her any kind of drink at all. It's illegal for waitresses to consume drinks purchased by their patrons. It's not clear if this law applies to waiters. (credit: CBS)
Cars Go In Garages?
Cars Go In Garages?
It is illegal to trip horses in California for entertainment purposes. (credit: CBS)
No Horsing Around It is illegal to trip horses in California for entertainment purposes. (credit: CBS)
You accidentally book a room in a total flea bag hotel...the place is crawling with roaches. Ugh. But you will be breaking the law if you complain about the roaches via the US mails. Apparently, the roaches have a very strong lobby. (credit: AP)
Don't Badmouth The Roaches! You accidentally book a room in a total flea bag hotel...the place is crawling with roaches. Ugh. But you will be breaking the law if you complain about the roaches via the US mails. Apparently, the roaches have a very strong lobby. (credit: AP)
It is considered a "threatening" misdemeanor to wear a sweatshirt inside-out in Half-Moon Bay. We hope they are half joking. (credit: CBS)
Wear Your Clothes Properly It is considered a "threatening" misdemeanor to wear a sweatshirt inside-out in Half-Moon Bay. We hope they are half joking. (credit: CBS)
Hey, Yogi...the Ranger's not going to like this! But in California it is illegal to possess a bear's gall bladder. To be perfectly fair about this, if you're ever close enough to a bear to reach in and get his gall bladder, more power to you. (credit: CBS)
Owning A Bear Liver Is A Boo-Boo Hey, Yogi...the Ranger's not going to like this! But in California it is illegal to possess a bear's gall bladder. To be perfectly fair about this, if you're ever close enough to a bear to reach in and get his gall bladder, more power to you. (credit: CBS)
It's always been said if you build a better mousetrap the world would beat a path to your door. Not so fast there, Californians! It sounds like the work of PETA, but actually the law has been on the books for a while. It is illegal to set a mousetrap without first obtaining a hunting license. (credit: Frito-Lay North America, Inc.)
Build A Better Mousetrap It's always been said if you build a better mousetrap the world would beat a path to your door. Not so fast there, Californians! It sounds like the work of PETA, but actually the law has been on the books for a while. It is illegal to set a mousetrap without first obtaining a hunting license. (credit: Frito-Lay North America, Inc.)
In sunny Carmel, it was against the law to eat ice cream while walking down the street. When Clint Eastwood became mayor, he made a lot of people's days by repealing the ban. (credit: AP)
We All Scream For Ice Cream In sunny Carmel, it was against the law to eat ice cream while walking down the street. When Clint Eastwood became mayor, he made a lot of people's days by repealing the ban. (credit: AP)
It is illegal in California for a female motorist (in this case, Minnie Driver...get it?) to drive wearing a housecoat. (credit: Dave Hogan/Getty Images)
Careful Female Driver! It is illegal in California for a female motorist (in this case, Minnie Driver...get it?) to drive wearing a housecoat. (credit: Dave Hogan/Getty Images)
When dancing in Compton, watch those cheeks kids! It's illegal to dance cheek-to-cheek in that South LA city. (By the way, we assume this is for facial cheeks). Meanwhile, in Stockton it's okay to dance cheek-to-cheek but it is against the law to wiggle. (credit: CBS)
Dancing Cheek To Cheek When dancing in Compton, watch those cheeks kids! It's illegal to dance cheek-to-cheek in that South LA city. (By the way, we assume this is for facial cheeks). Meanwhile, in Stockton it's okay to dance cheek-to-cheek but it is against the law to wiggle. (credit: CBS)
A Glendale ordinance only permits movie theaters to show horror movies on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. (credit: AP)
Psycho The Movie A Glendale ordinance only permits movie theaters to show horror movies on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. (credit: AP)
Is that a zucchini in your shopping cart or are you just happy to see me? It is against the law to fondle or pinch fruit in public markets. Frankly, if you see someone fondling vegetables in the store, just assume they are out of their gourd. (credit: CBS)
Hands Off The Veggies Is that a zucchini in your shopping cart or are you just happy to see me? It is against the law to fondle or pinch fruit in public markets. Frankly, if you see someone fondling vegetables in the store, just assume they are out of their gourd. (credit: CBS)
This gives new meaning to the term "wet dream." It is illegal to loiter in, recline in or rest in the Los Angeles river bed. (credit: AP)
Try To Contain The Wet Dreams This gives new meaning to the term "wet dream." It is illegal to loiter in, recline in or rest in the Los Angeles river bed. (credit: AP)
And they called it puppy love...but not in Shasta Lake, California. It is illegal here to give away a puppy. (credit: CBS)
And They Call It Puppy Love And they called it puppy love...but not in Shasta Lake, California. It is illegal here to give away a puppy. (credit: CBS)
Man up, California! It's illegal for you to cry on the witness stand during a trial. So, if you are the defendant and you're already accused of a bunch of horrible things, don't compound it by tearing up. (credit: KUTV)
Put Down The Crying Towels Man up, California! It's illegal for you to cry on the witness stand during a trial. So, if you are the defendant and you're already accused of a bunch of horrible things, don't compound it by tearing up. (credit: KUTV)
In California, strip club patrons have to choose their passion: boobs or booze. If a club offers full frontal nudity it is not allowed to serve hooch.
Boobs Or Booze? In California, strip club patrons have to choose their passion: boobs or booze. If a club offers full frontal nudity it is not allowed to serve hooch.
Holy shitake! That's a big mushroom. To insure that many people don't trample over state land and/or die from eating poisonous mushrooms by mistake, California residents who want to pick and eat mushrooms must get a special permit. And even with the permit, you're limited to picking only 5 pounds. (credit: Chicago Sun-Times)
A Fungus Among Us Holy shitake! That's a big mushroom. To insure that many people don't trample over state land and/or die from eating poisonous mushrooms by mistake, California residents who want to pick and eat mushrooms must get a special permit. And even with the permit, you're limited to picking only 5 pounds. (credit: Chicago Sun-Times)
Remember Tommy? That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure played a mean pinball! But according to dumblaws.com, not in Downey he didn't. Pinball is against the law there. (credit: AP)
Attention Pinball Wizards Remember Tommy? That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure played a mean pinball! But according to dumblaws.com, not in Downey he didn't. Pinball is against the law there. (credit: AP)
View Comments

Latest Galleries

Dallas Cowboys Arrive In Oxnard For Training Camp
Prankster Posts Hilarious Signs At East LA Supermarket
Football! The Exhibition At The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library
Cajon Pass Fire
2015 Celebrity Deaths
"Car Culture" By Photographer Jonathan Castillo
URJ Kesher Group 561: Taglit-Birthright Israel Journey From LA To Israel
Brush Fire In Santa Clarita
blog comments powered by Disqus