Drop The Fish In Portola

Man walks into a bar. He says, "Hi, do you serve fish here?' and the bartender says 'Sure, sit down. We'll serve anyone.'" As funny as that joke isn't (sorry!), the truth is, it's against the law to walk into a bar in Portola carrying a fish. (credit: AP)

Ugly People Stay Home

Ha! And they say people in LA can be shallow and obessed with looks! In San Francisco, it is actually illegal for ugly people to walk down the street. (credit: FreedomIsNotFree.com)

Peacock's Have The Right Of Way

You drivers better slow down in Arcadia! According to dumblaws.com, peacocks there always have the right of way. (credit: CBS)

Prostitutes Don't Make Change

In San Francisco, hookers are not required to carry bills on their person larger than $50 in order to make change.

Pick Up That Dog Poo!

Scooby Doo! According to dumblaws.com, if you leave dog waste in your yard for more than seven days in Cerritos, you can be cited. Of course, we want to know how anyone knows what dog doo looks like on the eighth day? And, more interestingly, whose job is it to decide? (credit: K'shel Bell)

Rhino's Can't Get Horny

Horny? Don't be a rhino in California! According to a website that specializes in strange facts about sex, all animals are banned in the Golden State from mating within 1500 feet of a place of worship, school or tavern. Presumably they CAN drink at the tavern but they can't get busy near the tavern. Ah, and speaking of rhinos, if you want to own one in Norco, you have to pony up $100 for the privilege. (credit: L.A. Zoo)

Dogs Can't Get Frisky

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Don't ZZZzzz In The Car

In Cathedral City, it's illegal to sleep in a parked car. (credit: CBS)

Don't Belt Your Wife

Stay belted! Hard to believe, but it's allegedly legal for a man to beat his wife in Los Angeles if he uses a belt less than 2 inches wide, and if she gives her consent. (credit: AP)

Let Cowboys Be Cowboys

They don't like city slickers in Blythe! If you don't own at least two cows, you can do time for wearing cowboy boots. (credit: AP)

Don't Flip Your Lid

Apparently they're trying to keep the lid on pollution in Dana Point. You can use your restroom, but close the window or else! (credit: AP)

No Nukes In Chino

Note to terrorists! Don't go to Chino: detonating a nuclear device of any kind, within the city limits, will get you a $500 fine. (credit: AP)

Don't Kiss A Man With A Moustache

Who wouldn't want to be kissed by mega hunk Tom Selleck? Well, if you live in Eureka watch those lips! Men with moustaches are simply not allowed to plant a wet one on a woman in Eureka. (credit: CBS)

Leave The Lizzards Alone

Lizards don't have a lot of rights, but in Fresno they enjoy major protection. Lizards cannot be annoyed while in city parks. So if you're in the park minding your own business, and some lizard sits down with his boom box and starts blasting his music, the cops will take his side. (credit: U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service)

Keep The Pooch Off The Elevator

Dogs in wheelchairs are not as uncommon as you think. Many dogs are old, arthritic, and have hip problems. But you don't want to bring an infirmed dog to Glendale. According to dumblaws.com, dogs are not allowed on elevators. So Bowser, get to stepping! (credit: AP)

Slow It Down In Glendale

You'll never be able to see the Glendale 500 at this rate. Indianapolis has nothing to worry about. It is illegal for someone in Glendale to jump into a moving or passing car. And according to dumblaws.com, it is also illegal to go in reverse. (credit: CBS)

Hide Those Buttocks!

And you wonder why J-Lo doesn't do concerts in Hermosa Beach. It is illegal to show your buttocks on a playground in that city. (credit: CBS)

Don't Feel Sheepish

It had to be ewe! Apparently it's okay if a group of hookers, crazies, drug addicts or gang members congregate on Hollywood Boulevard. BUT just let 2000 sheep try to meet and the fuzz goes a little crazy. FYI, it is illegal to drive 2000 sheep down the Boulevard at once. If you DO have 2000+ sheep, try Olympic. (credit: CBS)

Watch Your Roosters

In Lompoc, it's cock-a-doodle-oh-no-you-dont! Roosters are outlawed. (credit: CBS)

No Cursing On The Course

Talk about a golf handicap. In Long Beach, according to dumblaws.com, you are not allowed to curse or use foul language while playing miniature golf. Apparently, it's okay to curse like a sailor while playing badminton or tennis. But curse while playing some #$%* miniature golf and find your #$%**#$ in hot water. (credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

Do Not Lick A Toad

Like it or not, it's the law. You cannot (underscore cannot) lick a toad anywhere in Los Angeles. And this is even if the toad is consenting and over 18. (credit: Frogwatch (North) via Getty Images)

Clothes Make The Man

Finally, a law we can get behind. Men in Los Angeles are not allowed to wear Zoot suits. Okay, to be completely honest, we couldn't find a picture of a Zoot suit. Which is a good thing. Next: Someone please ban leisure suits. And men in Espadrilles...another crime. (credit: Iman Jones)

Send Your Camel To Bed

You might want to walk a mile for a camel, but in Palm Springs, do not under any circumstances walk your camel on Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of 4 - 6 p.m. This according to dumblaws.com. No word of what you should do with your camel between 4 and 6. (credit: AP)

Watch The Baths In Prunedale

Prunedale? Sounds like the people who named the town might be a mite sensitive to people making fun of wrinkly skin. You can't have two bathtubs in the same house in Prunedale. But don't they know, if you stand in the shower long enough you can still prune? (credit: AP)

No Time For Lunch

Here is one that still has us scratching our heads. According to dumblaws.com, you cannot carry your lunch down the street in Riverside between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m (credit: CBS)

Know When To Turn Out The Lights

Go green sure! But at the appropriate time people! Christmas lights are pretty to look at but in San Diego, there is a limit. Like February 2nd. The city can fine you for keeping your lights up after Feb. 2. Now, if someone would only come up with a fine for people who have their lights up the day after Halloween... (credit: CBS)

Don't Wash Your Car With Underwear

We can think of a bunch of things we could do with Mark "Former Member of the Funkybunch" Wahlberg's tighty-whities. But if we were in San Francisco washing our car wouldn't be wise, or legal. Yup, you can't use used undies to wipe your car down in the Bay Area. (credit: AP)

Keep Your Mouth Shut

In San Francisco it is illegal to engage in oral sex -- that's giving or receiving. No wonder Rice-a-Roni is the San Franciso treat.

Down In The Dumps

According to dumblaws.com, it is still illegal in San Franciso to pile horse manure on a street corner. Well, it is illegal if its MORE than six feet of manure. If you have 5.5 feet, you're good to go. (credit: AP)

Bang The Drum Very Slowly

There are all kinds of things you can't do at Santa Monica beach. But who knew playing drums, or any percussion instrument, is illegal. Trumpets, okay. Clarinets, fine. But leave those castanets in your casa! (credit: CBS)

Go Fly A Kite

Go fly a kite! Well, not if you live in Walnut. To be fair, you CAN fly a kite there, just not more than 10 feet off the ground. Attention Walnut: If it's lower than 10 feet, it's not exactly flying. (credit: CBS 2, WBBM)

No Twin Bathing

We sure advocate clean living, but did you know in Los Angeles it is illegal to bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time!?! This law was probably enacted to keep fighting over rubber duckies to a minimum. (credit: CBS)

Driving On The 405

Martha Stewart would agree: this is a good thing. In California, it is illegal for a vehicle to go more than 60 mph without a driver. Take note 405 users!

There's A Whale! Shoot!

Hey, what did Moby Dick ever do to you? It's against the law to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle -- unless it's a whale. (credit: CBS)

Time Wounds All Heels

The women of Carmel might be well-heeled, but it is against the law for them to be high heeled. High heels are banned within the city limits. Shoo, Jimmy Choo! (credit: Insolia.com)

Watch Those Spit Takes

According to crazylaws.com, it is illegal to spit in Burlingame. Except on baseball diamonds, that is. Try as we might, we couldn't find any California cities where it is illegal for men to scratch themselves in public...including the baseball diamond. Go Dodgers! (credit: Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images)

Watch Those Serenades

Good thing Jon Bon Jovi hailed from Jersey and not California. Since 1838, according to crazylaws.com, it is illegal for a man in California to serenade a woman without a permit. (credit: Sergio Dionisio/Getty Images)

Beer

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The Bathtub Is No Place For Oranges

All kinds of things are legal in the bathtub...but eating oranges is not one of them. Apples? Go right ahead. Kumquats? Knock your socks off. But if you eat an orange in the tub, the police could come a calling. And it's unclear what lawmakers have against oranges, but it is also illegal to eat an orange in your hotel room. Welcome to the Hotel California...leave the oranges outside. (credit: AP)

Don't Skateboard On Walls

Skateboarding can be loads of fun. But in Palo Alto, it is illegal to skateboard on walls or any other vertical surfaces. If you can skateboard on vertical surfaces, you probably shouldn't be in Palo Alto anyway. You should be on David Letterman's "Stupid Human Tricks" segment. (credit: CBS)

Don't Wine To The Waitress

Don't try to impress your waitress in El Monte with an expensive glass of wine. In fact, don't give her any kind of drink at all. It's illegal for waitresses to consume drinks purchased by their patrons. It's not clear if this law applies to waiters. (credit: CBS)

Cars Go In Garages?

No Horsing Around

It is illegal to trip horses in California for entertainment purposes. (credit: CBS)

Don't Badmouth The Roaches!

You accidentally book a room in a total flea bag hotel...the place is crawling with roaches. Ugh. But you will be breaking the law if you complain about the roaches via the US mails. Apparently, the roaches have a very strong lobby. (credit: AP)

Wear Your Clothes Properly

It is considered a "threatening" misdemeanor to wear a sweatshirt inside-out in Half-Moon Bay. We hope they are half joking. (credit: CBS)

Owning A Bear Liver Is A Boo-Boo

Hey, Yogi...the Ranger's not going to like this! But in California it is illegal to possess a bear's gall bladder. To be perfectly fair about this, if you're ever close enough to a bear to reach in and get his gall bladder, more power to you. (credit: CBS)

Build A Better Mousetrap

It's always been said if you build a better mousetrap the world would beat a path to your door. Not so fast there, Californians! It sounds like the work of PETA, but actually the law has been on the books for a while. It is illegal to set a mousetrap without first obtaining a hunting license. (credit: Frito-Lay North America, Inc.)

We All Scream For Ice Cream

In sunny Carmel, it was against the law to eat ice cream while walking down the street. When Clint Eastwood became mayor, he made a lot of people's days by repealing the ban. (credit: AP)

Careful Female Driver!

It is illegal in California for a female motorist (in this case, Minnie Driver...get it?) to drive wearing a housecoat. (credit: Dave Hogan/Getty Images)

Dancing Cheek To Cheek

When dancing in Compton, watch those cheeks kids! It's illegal to dance cheek-to-cheek in that South LA city. (By the way, we assume this is for facial cheeks). Meanwhile, in Stockton it's okay to dance cheek-to-cheek but it is against the law to wiggle. (credit: CBS)

Psycho The Movie

A Glendale ordinance only permits movie theaters to show horror movies on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. (credit: AP)

Hands Off The Veggies

Is that a zucchini in your shopping cart or are you just happy to see me? It is against the law to fondle or pinch fruit in public markets. Frankly, if you see someone fondling vegetables in the store, just assume they are out of their gourd. (credit: CBS)

Try To Contain The Wet Dreams

This gives new meaning to the term "wet dream." It is illegal to loiter in, recline in or rest in the Los Angeles river bed. (credit: AP)

And They Call It Puppy Love

And they called it puppy love...but not in Shasta Lake, California. It is illegal here to give away a puppy. (credit: CBS)

Put Down The Crying Towels

Man up, California! It's illegal for you to cry on the witness stand during a trial. So, if you are the defendant and you're already accused of a bunch of horrible things, don't compound it by tearing up. (credit: KUTV)

Boobs Or Booze?

In California, strip club patrons have to choose their passion: boobs or booze. If a club offers full frontal nudity it is not allowed to serve hooch.

A Fungus Among Us

Holy shitake! That's a big mushroom. To insure that many people don't trample over state land and/or die from eating poisonous mushrooms by mistake, California residents who want to pick and eat mushrooms must get a special permit. And even with the permit, you're limited to picking only 5 pounds. (credit: Chicago Sun-Times)

Attention Pinball Wizards

Remember Tommy? That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure played a mean pinball! But according to dumblaws.com, not in Downey he didn't. Pinball is against the law there. (credit: AP)