Above:  “I know! –Let’s put a 2-year-old on a leopard.  It must be safe — it’s on a leash, apparently made of string.”  Or we could dangle a toddler with a snack in his hand, over the raccoon enclosure.(Raccoons are pretty clean animals with rounded teeth, right?)

But to my way of thinking, nothing beats putting a giant constrictor of some kind, on top of an infant, not yet old enough to ask his parents “Why do you want to get rid of me?”

Unless it’s a surprise new pet, for a sleeping pre-teen. Notice the cat, also in the bed, pretty much is taking care of itself. Cats are good at that.