‘What Do You Expect? She’s A Teenager!’ And Other Tips From Arden Greenspan-Goldberg
STUDIO CITY (CBS) — Got teen troubles? Author Arden Greenspan-Goldberg to the rescue!
Greenspan-Goldberg visited the KCAL 9 studios Thursday to talk about her new book “What Do You Expect? She’s A Teenager!”
She is a nationally recognized family and marriage psychotherapist who has specialized in teen issues for more than 30 years, encouraging mothers of teenage daughters. Based on her renowned clinical practice, as well as her own personal experiences parenting her daughter, “What Do You Expect? She’s a Teenager! A Hope and Happiness Guide for Moms with Daughters Ages 11–19″ is the ultimate preparation manual and survival guide for mothers of tweens and teens.
Teen Parenting Tips:
Anticipate & Prepare: Prevention is all about anticipation. If you are prepared in advance, then when things come up, you will be ready and able to respond.
Educate & Inform: Keep up to date on current developments in teen culture. Educating ourselves is a big part of being proactive and protective.
No Punishment: Punishment simply doesn’t work with tweens and teens the way you want it to. If your daughter is afraid of getting punished, she won’t ask for help or guidance when she needs it most.
Expect Her to Make Mistakes: Prepare yourself for the fact that your teenager will mess up, then you’ll be better able to help her and guide her when it really counts.
Make Your Daughter Part of the Solution: Ask her to help create the guidelines and routines that will affect her life, whether it’s coming up with a new curfew or deciding which chores she’ll handle on a weekly basis.
Set Up Reasonable Parameters & Guidelines: Eliminate any hard and fast rules. The guidelines you set should come from a place of love, not fear or control, and be fluid enough to respond to most situations you and your daughter may encounter. Be realistic and don’t impose limits and restrictions that she can’t handle or expect her to be an adult.
Pick the Right Times to Talk: Take a few deep breaths before speaking or wait a few hours (or days!) until you’re able to talk calmly. You’ll be more likely to get through to her if you can speak with composure, logic and a clear sense of what you want her to understand.
Keep it Short and Simple, and Humorous: Make your point quickly and clearly and stay focused on your message. Less is more when talking to a teenager. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Laughter can lighten the heaviest of conversations.
Be the Role Model: Be clear and consistent; “walking your talk” is essential. Demonstrate the behaviors you want to see in her.
Lend Your Brain: The teenage brain is not fully developed yet, but as an adult you have the ability to think through problems and come up with potential solutions—let your daughter know you’re there to help her sort things out.
Trust Your Gut: Trust that small voice within you—your instincts are usually right—and teach your daughter to do the same.
Answer the Why: “Because I said so” or flat-out “no’s” are the worst answers you can give a teenager.
Look for the Transformative Teaching Moment: You can turn any teen disaster into a teaching moment. You can turn any communication “breakdown” into a “breakout” opportunity to connect, protect and nurture.
For more tips and advice, visit Arden online.