(UPDATE: Anyone surprised that Knotts is coming out on top? What does that say about us? That we’re high-tech-averse? That we like our comfort food? That we’ve all lived here so long, we’ve become brainwashed? –Or that it’s still hard to beat panning for gold? Enter your Comments, below. Original post follows:)

Quick! Help! The Out-of-Towners descend on Monday, and I have to keep them occupied. Here’s their e-mail: “We’d like to go to Disneyland, Magic Mountain, or Knott’s Berry Farm. Then on Tuesday, whatever we couldn’t get to on Monday, and Universal Studios.” (Emphasis mine.) Well, they’re in for a big surprise: mostly, a map with turn-by-turn directions, and a hearty ‘Have fun!’ But I know I’ll get roped into one of these terror tours; and so I ask you… If you could go to only one Southern California theme park, which one would you pick? Please share with the rest of us, in Comments, below.

Don’t forget Legoland, Raging Waters (etc.), and Spearmint Rhino; or any of our fabulous museums (Good luck with that. -Ed.) I’m gonna end up at one of these joints. Please have mercy.